oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
