oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
