TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
