Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
