Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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