There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When are your genitals available?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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