So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
