i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
