When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
