At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
