just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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