An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
