So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
