I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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