that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's shark week go big or go home
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
