I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
