I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
