thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
