You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
