ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Your dad touched me again.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize