piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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