FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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