Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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