We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
