just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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