I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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