How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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