I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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