These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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