I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
