Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
