She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
