so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we made out on top of his cat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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