if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
