she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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