Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
