I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize