Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
