I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
