i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
