11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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