wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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