So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
