i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
