If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
