They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just invented taco cereal.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
