No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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