wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
