She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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