part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
