lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
