Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
