I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A+ Viking dick
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
