what day is it and did you see me today?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
