you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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