Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
