Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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