This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
