my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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