I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
