I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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