how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
