How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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