What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
