first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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