Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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