did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
