it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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