There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
